Time to play catch up. . .

Okay, okay, I know it has been months- most likely due to an excess of crazy during the past 60 some odd days.  I'm not even sure where or how to begin, but I guess the house is a good place to start.  Obviously everything worked out and we have been in since the end of January.  We are loving the home, the neighborhood, and our new ward despite not being completely settled even now.  I have so much gratitude in my heart for all those that helped us during this process.  My mother spent a week edging our entire house FREE HAND and Dan and Laurel rolled nearly the entire house because I couldn't (I guess that will have to be the second topic to catch up on) and Dan helped Kel tile the kitchen and bathroom. My dad pulled strings and got us a beautiful garage door (I FINALLY have my very own GARAGE DOOR!!!!) and Dusty installed it on his time off. Kel's Mom and Dad came down and cleaned, packed and moved us when there was no way we could have done it ourselves. Neighbors and friends, and ward members, so many amazing people helped make our dream a reality. Thank you so much! Things are still a work in progress but we are so so blessed and are taking everything one step at a time.

I guess I need to start at the first of the year in order for some of the rest to make sense.  As most of you are aware, I am quickly becoming the queen of bizarre health issues (a title I would gladly relinquish!) and this year is no exception (sadly).  One December 26th, 2010 two of the fingers on my right hand started to feel somewhat numb though I paid it little mind, however by December 31st (with my deductible currently met) my whole right hand felt as though it was asleep- not to be revived by any amount of shaking, wiggling, or effort of my own.  I ended up in the insta care as that was the only place open on new years even and the doctor told me that he suspected that I had a pinched nerve in my elbow and that I should see a neurologist on Monday. I left the office and went to the gym and within about 10 minutes my pinkie and ring finger on my left hand were tingling and numb (at this point it was fairly clear the problem was not with my right elbow). By the morning of January 1 (deductible started over :( ), both my entire right and left hand were numb and tingling.  I called insta care and they told me that I needed to go to the emergency room (have I told anyone lately how much I LOVE the emergency room. . . hate it with the passion of a million suns). Kel took me in and after an MRI of my cervical spine and one of my brain to rule out disc issues and the possibility of MS as well as some blood work I was released and told that everything looked normal and to see a neurologist on Monday (thank you for charging me 4000 dollars to give me the same advice I had the day before).  As I sat in that ER room I felt this wave of despair seep in as memories from my last bought with numerous ER and doctors visits, laboratory tests, puzzled expressions, and zero diagnosis other than "there's obviously something wrong. . .we just don't know what it is."  My first thought was, "I've only had 8 good months. . 8 months. . . I can't do this again. . I can't."  We left with me in tears, grateful to know that I wasn't facing MS and terrified of what I was facing.

The neurology appointment and nerve testing was also inconclusive but I received a diagnosis of "thoracic outlet syndrome (all of the muscles in my neck and pectorals were constricting all the nerves and arteries that lead into my arms).  I began physical therapy, chiropractic visits, and massage therapy but was unable to do much of anything for almost 4 weeks before the feeling finally slowly seeped back into my fingers.

I tried desperately not to panic and to remain positive and I wish I could say that I succeeded, however, all I can say is that I made it though those difficult weeks by being lifted up and carried by an amazing husband and family as well as my Heavenly Father.  I also wish I could say that I didn't have any anger or self pity, but in those dark moments I often had feelings of hurt and anger about having to face yet another health related trial. I often though "Why me?" and "I don't deserve this." However, with each selfish, angry thought came the realization that this is all for a reason and who was I to think that I didn't deserve my trials, it isn't about deserving anything, every one's life is hard and everyone struggles with something and I should be grateful to have the trials I have because I could think of about a million others that I could not handle and would not wish for. 

In all of this, we were trying to close on our house, complete the work in the house that we had decided to take on ourselves, reschedule and figure out our first big vacation as a married couple, work, and stay sane- not easy tasks.  In November 2010 we booked a Mexican Riviera cruise with Nate and Kayla and the day after we booked, our ship caught on fire in the middle of the ocean, leaving its passengers stranded and eating pop tarts and spam for nearly 6 days before they could be towed back to port.  This caused the cancellation of our original sail date which was January 23rd and we were forced to reschedule for February 28th.  Without going into great detail, the logistics of changing flights and plans were less that smooth and required some fained tears on my part and several phone calls to make things work out.

Thankfully my hands were doing somewhat better by the time we flew out on February 27th.  Nate and Kayla drove to our house and then we traveled to SLC to catch a flight to long beach.  Before leaving Logan, Nate, Kel, and I got our "glo" on by getting our first spray on tans (hilarious).

We spent the night at a hotel in Long Beach that would shuttle us to the port to board the ship the following day. It seemed like all we had done for the last 24 hours was wait.  We waited at our house before driving to salt lake, we waited at the airport for our flight, we waited in the hotel to go to bed, we waited at the hotel for our shuttle (which was an hour late) and then just when we thought the waiting was over. . . we got to the port and there stood 3000 people waiting in lines to get numbers to wait in other lines in order to get on the ship.  Due to a surprise customs inspection, boarding was delayed by HOURS!  At first, we all tried to stay positive and laughed and joked in line as the first hour past, and then the second, and then as the temperature began to drop (all we had were t shirts and shorts and flip flops because our luggage had already been checked) and our stomach began to growl (I hadn't eaten anything at all because we expected to just get on the ship and fill our tummies) our moods began to drop. We had arrived at the port at 1pm and at 5pm it was nearly 40 degrees and were were still in line, freezing and starving.  After standing at the threshold of the customs building for nearly 30 minutes shivering, I emotionally broke, I was so cold I was physically shaking and I could feel my stomach knotting in hunger- my lip began to quiver and tears started streaming down my face, not exactly the way you anticipation a vacation to begin. Kel quickly wrapped me in a hug and asked if I would be okay as I sobbed. I couldn't even understand why I was crying and I kept apologizing and thinking to myself that I was such and idiot for falling apart in a line to get on a cruise, but the tears kept coming.  Finally we got on the ship at nearly 6pm and headed straight for the food, I had 2 frozen yogurt cones while standing in the buffet line and my mood instantly lifted (its amazing what ice cream can do for your mood).

We had a great time despite cooler temperatures than we would have liked Thanks to our spray on tans and cold weather we cam back whiter than when we left). 

We spent 2 days shopping and hanging out on Cabo San Lucas where we took a water taxi to see Lands End, Lover's Beach, and the Window to the Pacific and played on the beach.

Our last port was Peurta Vallarta where we ended up on a crazy adventure.  Our first stop was at the Mexican Walmart where I had to purchase some feminine products and then we found a local booth where we decided to book an ATV adventure.

The man said that they could take us but we would have to leave "right now."  He put us in a taxi, yelled something to the driver in Spanish, handed him some money and walked away as we sped off into crazy Mexican traffic.  Kayla and I looked at each other several times as if to say "I sure hope we survive" and the concern in those looks continued to increase as we left the highly populated and tourist driven center of town and we found ourselves out in a run down, poor, sad (and scary) looking area.  The taxi driver turned down a pot hole consumed dirt road and into a small shack where 6 ATV's were parked under a rickety lean to. Again we all looked at each other in dismay and a giggle escaped my throat. Two of the 6 ATV's were up on blocks and were more skeletons of ATV's than actual machines. We looked on while a man jostled underneith the belly of a third.  Our "guide" met us as our taxi driver pushed us out and sped away. The guide handed us each a waver, helmet, and dirt laden handkerchief. 

As we talked we found out that he had lived both in Logan and in Basin City at different times in his life and I began to feel slightly less like this might be my last day on this planet.  He told us that we just had to wait a few minutes while the mechanic fixed the breaks on one of the ATV's and then we could take off.  Guess who ended up on that ATV:). Our guide jumped on one, Nate and Kayla on the next, and Kel and I in the back on the ATV that was supposedly fixed (we soon realized that the breaks had not been fixed) and we began our crazy journey. 

We weaved in and out of traffic and through the city, without breaks, then out into the country over dust covered roads for nearly and hour before we started climbing up into the mountains and crossing streams.  After about and hour and a half we came to a stop at the edge of a stream and our guide informed us that he was going to lead us the rest of the way on foot.  We all waded out into the stream and walked another 200 ft to a small natural hot pot.  As we sat down to take a break, our guide waded out into the water in his bare feet. Moments later her hobbled out and as his foot reached land we could see blood gush out from his sole.  He had stepped on a large shard of glass in the river and had 2-3 inch laceration on the bottom of his foot which was now bleeding profusely.  We all looked at each other with a hint of panic in our eyes and seeing a hint of panic in our guides eyes we new that this adventure was far from over and the risk factor for a safe return was continuing to climb.  We had no first aid kit and blood continued to poor from the wound.  You would think, or hope, that four First Aid certified civilians would spring into action in such a situation, however, we must have been in such shock that we all stood there staring for several moments.  Our guide tied his shirt around his foot in an attempt to slow the bleeding however it was completely soaked through in a matter of minutes.  My mind raced and suddenly a thought popped into my head.  I quickly opened my back pack and removed a single wrapped Mexican walmart feminine pad and stooped down near the guide.  I handed him the pad and instructed him to put it on his foot under his shirt to help stop the bleeding as I apologized for not having a better option.  Who knew that a maxi pad could save a life :). We quickly returned to the ATV's and headed down the mountain. After about 45 minutes of riding we pulled over at what appeared to be a Mexican store or restaurant and our guide informed us that this was the tequila factory and that he was going to try to get some medical attention and in the meantime we would tour the factory.  A man came out to give us the tour and we all fought laughter as we walked from distillery to the next.  When we reached the end the man began explaining that there were 3 different types of tequila and that we would now get a shot of each. I began to chuckle as Nate stepped up to the plate and told the man that we wouldn't be sampling the fare because we don't drink. An expression of complete bewilderment crossed the man's face and he replied "Then why are you at a tequila factory." We all just laughed and shrugged as he led us to an area where we could wait for our guides return. 

He finally came back and we made the rest of the trek back, happy to be alive and well.  We returned to the ship and spent a little time on the beach before heading back on board. 

Some other highlights of the trip were: bunk beds, warm chocolate melting cake, Frank Sinatra, Outdoor movies and popcorn, all you can eat soft serve frozen yogurt, mini golf, trying to layout but freezing, listening to Kel barter in Spanish, getting all dressed up, and so many others. We had a great time and loved spending time with such great friends.  It was so great to go, but I was definitely ready to come home and sleep in my own bed.

After the cruise we returned to work and life as usual. Kel got promoted to Head Maintenance Supervisor over a brand new complex which he has enjoyed, we brought tuff back and added a new puppy to our family.  It was a little rough at first and I think I have a very small idea what it must be like to bring home a second child and have your first angry and jealous but they seem to love each other now.  Harley is about 8 months old, fiery and rambunctious.

Shortly after getting Harley, I began feeling worse and began seeing flashes and black lightning in my peripheral vision again. I went back to my retinologist in Idaho Falls who stated that he is sure there is some underlying condition causing all of these issues, it just isn't clear at this point what it is.  The past week I have not felt well and it has gotten to the point were I have let it keep me from doing some of the things I love to do.  I have had to work very hard to keep the depression at bay and my poor sweet husband has been my rock.  My world rocked a little more when I learned that my best friend from kindergarten's mom passed away unexpectedly on Tuesday night.  I spent countless hours in their home as a child and even as a young adult and had always felt a close connection to Valayn and her family.  The heartbreak I felt was immense and I found myself seeing my own situation from a clearer perspective.  The funeral was beautiful and comforting and I realized that our Heavenly Father's hand is in everything, and pain here is only part of the process.  This is our proving ground, there would be no point in us coming to earth if it were easy- we would never learn or grow or reach our potential.  This life is hard, but the truth is "the best is yet to come."

I pray that I can have the faith to endure my trials with a vision of their purpose for me.  I know that this has been an excessive entry and I'm sure I have missed so many important events but all I can do is hope that I won't procrastinate my next entry quite so long.